cursedcursedcursed.

sometimes i wonder if im a cursed child, i dont seem to bring any good to the family and im always cursed with the worst of everything in life.

since young im always not successful in whatever i do and im sure this fact is here to stay. every single thing i do in life would definitely have a good start however with a fucked up end. its proven and i cant run away from it, pray is all i can do.

i was a smart kid in kindergarden whom scored almost full marks in all subjects. every year im definitely top two. mom had so much hope in me, thinking im such a bright kid comparing to my bro. she has always been so proud of me because all the aunites would start praising me. yes, i was still as smart in pri one, i can even score 298/300. what bright future ahead, em1 kid to good sec sch and jc followed by uni. everything was so misleading and wrong. i couldnt even get into em1 and i didnt even score 200 for psle and that explains my sec school. mom still didnt give up on me, hoping i could do well in o's. but no, i screwed it up again and again. sim was the only hope and it was of a faster track. i promised to do well and i did acceptable for the 1st few sems, and now im not even a diploma graduate. its really freaky why things always start off so good and end so terribly bad. ill never be able to understand whats going on in my life, its too messy and way beyond my control.

i guess none would ever understand what im going through cause nothing beats what you see on the surface. if i were to tell you im really did study and put in effort, will you believe me? no. if i said im stupid, will you agree with me? no, okay maybe yes. if i said im really upset and disappointed in myself, will you trust my words? no. if i were to say im not playful not childish and i know what are my priorities, will you think the same? no. whatever i said just dont seem right and trustable cause ive always portrait such a loud and playful image.

im left with nothing now and i feel totally like a loser. but no, you dont have to pity me nor encourage me. all i need is peace and time alone. i need to leave home for somewhere peaceful and quiet to be all by myself. the education system here is suffocating me so badly and i need a break. tell me im being stupid but many a time i just hope i wont ever wake up from my sleep. i wish to go to that place so far away and not come back ever again.

i surrender and i give you my life, nah help me control it cause i give up.

goodbyeworld.

furnise @ 2:12 AM

merry merry christmas to all,

LOVE!

:)

furnise @ 3:46 PM

stopitstopitwillyou

causeicanttakeitanymoreeeeeeeee

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

ohmygoodnessgraciousme

imreallyreallyimpressedbyyou

justbywatchingyouigetohsohighhhhh

nodoubtyouareasuperstar

illbesupportingyoualltheway

mysuperstar

:)

furnise @ 9:14 PM

7th dec was the departure of our 5 days 4 nights bangkok trip, which coincidentally was our 32nd month:) it was a pretty cool experience for me as it was my first time going overseas without my family or rather parents. though i had the bf and his family but many things still had to be on my own.

the hotel we stayed which supposedly is 4 stars was below average please. it was so dirty, and they dont even provide bedroom slippers, good thing i brought my own:) i had 4 sleepless nights cause i felt that the bed was very dirty. haha, i didnt dare to go under the comforter so i had all sorts of awkward sleeping positions that the bf got so irritated with me cause he ended up not sleeping well too! haha. the toilet was worst! the showerhead was so rusty that it made the water seemed so yellow. eeeeeeeeeyer. so dirty that i had to even limit my showers. okay that sounded stupid i know, maybe im just being paranoid. but it was really dirty! trust meeeeee please?

however, shopping was great there! and it covers up all the dirtiness of the hotel. hee. life there was very much of a routine i feel because it was like:
wake up - breakfast - shop - lunch - shop - dinner - shop - massage - supper - sleep.
its almost the same everyday, but shopping just never seem enough. heehee, and i hunger for more though im quite satisfied with what i bought. =)
ohhohh, taxis there are so so cheap right! and im so loving it, everywhere you go, you just flag. hmmm, thats what i call life. hee! how i wish singapores cab are the same! i dont wanna take sbs anymoreee..!

overall, i had a great time there especially the shopping and i really hope to go back there sometime soon, but with more money and better hotel this time. dont ask me how much i brought there cause im too ashame to tell. ):

results was out on wed, and i still wasnt spared from inflation, recession, IS-LM and whatsoever nonsense. thank you to whoever it may concern. ill see you on this coming wed AGAIN for the last time.

furnise @ 6:14 PM

babyy babyy i miss you!
it has been two days since.
i want you!
whyy are you in school at such hour?
you are making me worry.
go home go home,
be my good babyy boy at home.
pleaseee..
):

furnise @ 2:10 AM